A Girl & her Snow Leopard

Attachment Pt. 4

I read a very interesting post on JenEx last week about attachment.  Just wanted to share the link here, because it made me think. 

Children's Museum Pics

Comment posted by Sara

at 4/30/2007 8:13:00 AM

Haha- it is really funny to me that you guys commented that, because when I first saw this post, I pointed to that picture and said to Jon, "That's the look of a dad if I ever did see one..." I wasn't going to say anything, but hey, if you point it out first...

Comment posted by
at 4/29/2007 12:37:00 AM

The jacket is even cooler than you! :-)

Comment posted by
at 4/28/2007 10:15:00 PM

yes, be amazed. i really am that cool.

Comment posted by Sara
at 4/30/2007 8:13:00 PM

Haha- it is really funny to me that you guys commented that, because when I first saw this post, I pointed to that picture and said to Jon, "That's the look of a dad if I ever did see one..." I wasn't going to say anything, but hey, if you point it out first...

Comment posted by
at 4/29/2007 12:37:00 PM

The jacket is even cooler than you! :-)

Comment posted by
at 4/29/2007 10:15:00 AM

yes, be amazed. i really am that cool.

Children's Museum

We're off to the Children's Museum this morning for Katelyn's first Kindergarten field trip.  She talked both Josh and I into going, so this should be fun!  I will share pics when we get home. 

E-mail Subscription

I am copying an idea from a couple of others and trying the new e-mail subscription idea!  Let me know if it works for you.  I will send out e-mails with the link to everyone.  This way you will all know when I post something new!!!  I have also made it so you can add the feed to your Bloglines or other program if you are like me and need something like that to keep track of all of the blogs you read. 

Comment posted by
at 4/28/2007 12:52:00 AM

I would like to be on that list please. Also, that is incredibly wonderful news about "k".

Comment posted by Sara
at 4/28/2007 1:00:00 AM

Should I subscribe? I don't know. I think I prefer to check your site 4-5 times a day to see if there are any new posts (or comments)... Maybe I should subscribe AND compulsively check... I think I have blogging-OCD...

Comment posted by
at 4/28/2007 3:19:00 AM

I think you should subsribe AND compulsively check!! Ha, ha!!!

Comment posted by
at 4/29/2007 7:26:00 AM

Love this! Please keep me on the list!
Tracie

Comment posted by
at 4/27/2007 12:52:00 PM

I would like to be on that list please. Also, that is incredibly wonderful news about "k".

Comment posted by Sara
at 4/27/2007 1:00:00 PM

Should I subscribe? I don't know. I think I prefer to check your site 4-5 times a day to see if there are any new posts (or comments)... Maybe I should subscribe AND compulsively check... I think I have blogging-OCD...

Comment posted by
at 4/27/2007 3:19:00 PM

I think you should subsribe AND compulsively check!! Ha, ha!!!

Comment posted by
at 4/28/2007 7:26:00 PM

Love this! Please keep me on the list!
Tracie

Thank You and Good News

My friend "K" got the wonderful news that she is cancer-free yesterday after her very intensive 2 week treatment.  They have told her that the median time from the clinical trial for recurrence is about 7.7 years.  I pray that she has that and many, many, many more!!!  I am so incredibly happy for her and her family.    Congratulations, "K"!!!!!  Thank you to those of you who remembered her in your prayers. 

Comment posted by
at 4/28/2007 3:02:00 AM

Praise the Lord!! I too am happy for your friend. You all are in my prayers!

Comment posted by
at 4/27/2007 3:02:00 PM

Praise the Lord!! I too am happy for your friend. You all are in my prayers!

Thunder Over Louisville

I thought I would add an explanation for all you non-Kentucky people out there. Thunder Over Louisville is the beginning of the Derby Festival. It is the 2nd largest fireworks in the world. There is an air-show that is amazing all day and then the fireworks are at night. My aunt's family is able to get an apartment for the day in the Galt House Hotel w/ a balcony overlooking the Ohio River. We were able to join them this year, and it was my first time to see "Thunder". Katelyn had not seen it before either, so it was a real treat for both of us!! It truly feels like thunder, especially by the grand finale. Your whole body is shaking for the last few minutes. It goes for approximately 30 solid minutes and only quits for a few seconds before the grand finale. By that time you are just amazed that it can get even better than the part you have already seen. We really had a fabulous time!!!

Comment posted by
at 4/26/2007 10:19:00 PM

thanks. thanks for rubbin' it in.

:-)

you know i love ya, even when you go have fun without me. (insert tear here) :-(

Comment posted by
at 4/27/2007 10:19:00 AM

thanks. thanks for rubbin' it in.

:-)

you know i love ya, even when you go have fun without me. (insert tear here) :-(

Taking a Break

Katelyn and I are taking a little trip down south this weekend. 

Will check in when we return! 

My Crocuses Before the Snow Got Them

Request for Help

I have a friend, "K", who has been undergoing treatment off and on for a few years for  stage IV cancer.  She will finish a treatment, and it seems like just a few weeks later, the cancer returns.  She has been through the wringer both physically and emotionally, especially recently.  She is special to me, and I wish that I could be there to help her and give her a hug.  Today she is having to check into the hospital for an extremely difficult new treatment that is being used for the type of cancer she has.  She will receive the infusions over the course of the next 2 weeks.  This treatment can actually cause other types of cancer, but when it works, it works very,very well. She has the most adorable 2 year-old daughter from China, and she will have to be away from her while she is in the hospital and while she is radioactive after her infusions. 

I am asking, if you pray, that you will please, please pray for her healing and that the new treatment will work for her.  She and her family need all the support and encouragement that they can get right now. 

K:  You have been there to support me, and I hope that if you read this, you will receive some comfort and encouragement.  You have been an inspiration to me from the beginning of our friendship.  Although, you live far away, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you and your family.  Please know that you are not alone in your fight. 

A Recent Favorite

Comment posted by
at 4/19/2007 9:17:00 AM

How adorable!! Can I hire your photographer?

Comment posted by
at 4/19/2007 11:54:00 AM

Rhonda,

You're hired!! Ha! :-)

Attachment Pt. 3

I read another article that has a lot of really good information on attachment.  Here is the link if you are interested in reading more. 

Comment posted by
at 4/29/2007 7:33:00 AM

Amy, I printed the whole entry so I could read it more carefully. I don't know how much of my story I've told you, but I was severely abused from before I was born throughout my childhood by my parents and others. I have a personal understanding of dissociation and PTSD. If you'd like to know more, email me or call me. I'd be happy to share anything that might be helpful to you and Emma Mei. Thank you for exploring this whole area of attachment. This has not only helped me be tuned in to what's happening for Emma, but its also helped me understand some things in myself better and find more healing on my own journey. You are such a blessing!
Love you,
Tracie

Zoo Pictures

I am trying out a new slide show feature.  I am hoping it will work in China.  I have another one that I can try too, so if anyone has trouble with it, let me know. 

Comment posted by
at 4/15/2007 9:44:00 AM

Very Nice! Worked great on my computer!

Comment posted by
at 4/16/2007 4:13:00 AM

I want to know who is taking all of these fabulous pictures? Is it you or Josh? You have amazing pictures! And, what kind of camera are you using? I need some lessons from ya!

Comment posted by
at 4/19/2007 11:53:00 AM

Sarah,

I am the main photographer around here. I enjoy playing around with it. We do have a nice camera though, and that helps a lot!! It is the Canon Rebel XT.

I really want to take a class sometime here! I keep saying I am going to.

Amy

Our Trip to Louisville

For Spring Break, my friend Rhonda and I loaded her 3 kids and Katelyn and headed down to Louisville for a much needed get-away. As we traveled south, we started to see some beautiful redbud trees blooming contrasted against all the bare brown branches from winter. It was like we breathed a collective sigh of relief to see Spring! The kids were really good on the road. Of course, having a DVD player helps too!

We packed in as much fun in the sun as possible while we were there. The first evening after we arrived, we had dinner on the deck at my Mom and Dad's. We were kind of in awe after coming from cold Michigan! We forgot about things like sunscreen at first. Sunday, the kids had their first Easter egg hunt for the week and played outside all day! Monday, we went to a park and had a picnic lunch. The kind park ranger let the kids go into the petting zoo even though they weren't "officially" open for the season yet. Later we got together with some of our family for dinner at Cheddar's and dessert back at Mom and Dad's. It was really nice to hang out with them for a while.

Tuesday, we went to the Louisville Zoo. It was in the 80's and downright warm. We were loving it to say the least! My favorite animals are orangutans, gorillas, polar bear, and pretty much any kind of monkey. There was a new baby elephant, but it was still being kept inside with its new mama. After the zoo, some of the kids were sleeping, so I drove Rhonda by some of my old haunts from growing up. It was really neat to see my old school and church building being used as a church and school once again. The old house on the court was still there and looked the same as always. I was able to chat with one of our old neighbors who still lives next door. Then we went back to my aunt's house for yet another Easter egg hunt with cousins. The kiddos loved all that candy!!

Wednesday we took it easy as the weather turned cooler. Of course, we had to fit a little shopping in! Thursday we headed back home to the snow and cold. It was a wonderful little trip. It was great to "practice" having a little one around again with Sethie! It gave me a good idea of what life will be like when we have Emma Mei home. He is a fun 2-year old boy! I said that you know you must be true friends when you can go on a trip together with your kids and still like each other when it is all done!

Thanks, Mom and Dad for having us all! It was great to see everyone and enjoy the beautiful weather!!

Comment posted by
at 4/15/2007 4:09:00 AM

Ditto to all, my friend!

Attachment Pt. 2

I will try to explain what I have learned the best I can.  If any of it doesn't make sense or anyone has questions about what I have posted, feel free to comment and ask!  I like hearing what others think about these things. 

From what I understand, most of the experts say that when you get your child, she will go back to an emotional age of 0.  You treat them similar to the way you would treat a newborn regardless of their physical age by meeting all of their needs as soon as possible, holding them close, not letting them cry it out, etc.  The first 72 hours after adoption day, or "Emma Mei Day" as I plan to call it, are extremely hard on them.  Usually you will not see any of their true personality come out until after the first 3 days.   Our girl will probably be grieving heavily from the immense loss of everything she has known her whole life.  It has been proven that the loss of their first mom affects a baby, much less the second loss of their caregivers and friends at the orphanage.  All children react differently to their grief.  Some just shut down for a few days or they cry a lot for example.  Some may not show signs of their grief for a few months after joining their forever family. 

Because Emma will be regressing emotionally, we will not follow the standard traditions that we would follow with a child that has not experienced any loss in their life.   Thus we will bottle feed her and try to achieve good eye contact while feeding.  We will try to hold her as much as possible, thus the need for a hip hammock carrier--I may need to start pumping some iron!  We will try to have a lot of skin-on-skin contact by wearing short sleeves or taking baths with her and giving her massages with lotion.  There are lots of other little games and activities that we will try with her as well.  Some of these methods may seem like we are spoiling her (such as bottle feeding and not letting her cry), but she will need all of these special things to help her feel secure and know that we will always be there for her to meet her needs.  It will also help her learn to trust us as her parents.  It will be hard at first but we will not be able to let others hold her for a few months, and we won't be able to put her in the nursery for a while either.  When our family comes to visit, Josh and I will have to be the ones to always meet all of her needs such as changing diapers and feeding. There will be plenty of other ways that we will need help such as meals and housework as I am sure we will be very, very tired from jet lag!  A helpful thing when others are able to hold her, is to always direct Emma back to her Mommy & Daddy by saying things like "There's your good mommy/daddy!". 

The time-frame that it will take her to attach, will depend greatly on her own adjustment, but they usually say it takes about 1 month for every year that they have been in the orphanage.  We will probably continue to bottle feed her as long as we can to keep that bond that comes with that special time. 

We hope that this will help you to better understand some of the issues we may face with Emma, and that it will help you help us to do everything we can to help her attach well to her Mama & Baba (how they say Mommy & Daddy in Mandarin).  I want to also note that we can learn/do as much as we can, but if we feel like our efforts are not working, we will definitely be looking to have outside help with an attachment therapist.  Next week we will be attending a Waiting Families Meeting at our agency with a husband/wife team of attachment therapist who have also adopted children with attachment issues and learning disabilities.  They not only have the professional experience, but the personal experience to share with us as well!  I will be sure to share any tidbits that we learn from that here!

Part 3 to come later.  Any questions or comments welcomed!

Comment posted by
at 4/13/2007 11:07:00 PM

I think it's great that you have that meeting. I'm sure the personal experience will be more valuable than the professional. I'm so happy that all this info is available for you all to make the best transition possible. I just can't wait to see her, I'm anxious for that, as you are I know! We are praying constantly for that.
Love,
Mom

Comment posted by
at 4/16/2007 4:09:00 AM

I am so impressed with all of the info. you have gathered. Emma Mei is such a lucky little girl! The 2 sections you had on attachment were so interesting. I think talking with the husband/wife team you spoke about would be great. I'm sure they have great information and countless ideas since they have actually dealt with it first hand. You and Josh are going to be great at comforting her and meeting all of her needs. I also think it will bring Emma Mei a lot of comfort and happiness having Katelyn around. It is always so sweet seeing little ones interact with each other. Love ya!

Comment posted by
at 4/29/2007 7:11:00 AM

Wow, Amy, this info is so helpful to me in understanding how I can best support you in your parenting as nursery director at church, and as an "older mom" and friend. I am praying for you, as always, and this helps me have more insight about what to pray about. Take your time as far as putting her in the nursery, and know that when you choose to, I will also be aware of her emotional age and help her learn to interact with other loving adults and kids when she's ready. I'm thankful for the experience I've had with Liberty Atkins, and the joy it is to watch her jump up and down with the Cubbies! She refused to go to anyone at church when Darcey first started putting her in 2s. When we started having Building U, Liberty had been here about 6 months. The first Sunday Darcey brought her to the nursery and warned me that she would probably cry. Well, I picked her up (at this point she was 2 and a half, but I knew somehow that emotionally she was much younger) and held her in my lap for all of Building U and second service. She clung to me the whole time, but did not cry. Within about a month, she would get down and play for just a minute or two toward the end of the time. I was always there when she came, and always offered her my lap. Slowly, she started sitting in other workers' laps occasionally, and interacting with the other kids. When she was about 4 chronologically (but just over 2 years since she first came), she was potty trained and very ready to go downstairs. This year she bowled with our homeschool bowlers and is so outgoing and happy and loving. I cry tears of joy whenever I see her. She does come and give me a hug once in awhile, and what an amazing blessing and privilege it was to be a part of helping her feel safe and loved at church! All that to say that I am so looking forward to meeting Emma Mei and doing whatever I can to help you all introduce her to the love of her church family, when she's ready. So even though she will be 2 this October, I would like to recommend that when you are ready to introduce her to children's ministry at KCBC, that you start her in the nursery, regardless of her chronological age. Our caregiver to child ratio is always between 1 and 2 children per worker, and I am there nearly every week. I will be gone mid June through July 6 at Lake Ann, but I'm sure you won't be ready to put her in the nursery by then anyway. It would be great if you brought her in to visit (with you, in your arms) even just as far as the counter fairly soon after you start bringing her to church. Then she will get to know the nursery as a safe place and the kids and workers will become familiar to her. I am just so excited! I feel your agony as you wait for her and pray for God's perfect timing for your trip and all the details. I didn't mean to write so much...I had more to say than I thought! Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help.
I love you guys,
Tracie

Attachment Pt. 1

This is an article copied from A4everFamily.org    It is a great site to learn about attachment in adoption. 

Immense Loss; Walk a Mile in Baby’s Booties






Imagine for a moment…

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has
every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding,
enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his
smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your
life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person
understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in
rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy,
his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that
you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that
night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the
knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than
anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of
your life.

The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms.  You open your eyes and immediately look for his face.

But IT'S NOT HIM!  You are in the arms of another man.  You recoil in horror.  Who is this man?  Where is your beloved?

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent
that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house,
calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around,
trying to hug you, pat you on the back,...even trying to stroke your
arm, acting like everything is okay.

But you know that nothing is okay.  Your beloved is gone.  Where is he?  Will he return?  When?  What has happened to him?

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved.
Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new
guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't
speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to
realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is
gone.

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at
bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him,
preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or
contact.

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you
are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like
your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you
still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his
voice and take some comfort in it.

More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase
sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he
just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and
drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking
you?

You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to
a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy.
You are confused. And worried.

The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms
and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your
cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you.

You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he?
Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he
just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you),
pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy.
The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The
familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator
doors close on you and the new guy.

The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not
knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries
to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board
a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally
escape from the situation.

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and
leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet
you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new
guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile
at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses
your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your
hair.

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the
biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and
croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location.
Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used
to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the
black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee
black.

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for
hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for
leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He
seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of
warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over
as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the
new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other,
marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for
you, wanting to be a part of the happiness.

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you
away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although
the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life,
you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait
in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you
expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is
so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing
the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most
of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait.
And wait. And wait.

--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller

Happy Anniversary Jon & Sara

Congratulations on your 2nd Anniversary!!

I hope you all had a great day. 

Comment posted by Sara
at 4/12/2007 8:40:00 PM

Oh, thank you! It was wonderful!

Barkeeper's Friend

It really is an amazing product.  It has been around since 1882.  We have found that it cleans our flat-top ceramic stove very well.  It also takes dye from Easter egg coloring off of the countertop.  If the dishrag is a little stinky and you use it to clean with Barkeeper's Friend, it takes the stink out.  Of course I never have a stinky dishrag in my kitchen.  Insert rolled eyes.  That is my public service announcement for the day. 

Anyone else have some good products that they love?

Comment posted by
at 4/12/2007 4:23:00 AM

Where can I find this good stuff? A favorite around the Vanderwest house is Goo Gone to get all the sticky residue off and Borax (been around forever) to help clean carpet or mattresses that have been urinated on. (isn't that pleasant?)

Comment posted by
at 4/12/2007 4:41:00 AM

I think we found it in the cleaning section at Walmart or Target. It would probably be by the dish soap. Urinated mattresses, huh? Nice. I have never used Borax; might have to try it.

Comment posted by
at 4/13/2007 2:36:00 AM

Barkeepers Friend also works great on stainless steel sinks. My tip of the day!
Nana

Happy Girl on Easter morn. . .

We had a good Easter day all in all. It started early as we all headed out the door for first service, a rarity for me--no laughing you early risers out there! After church, we hopped in the car to drive to Poppy's house. The girls helped me fill about 130 eggs which was fun in itself, then we hid them in various places in the house for the kiddos to find. It is great to be around family on holidays and lots of kids always add to the fun!

Joyous Anticipation

Future Bloggers?

Happy Easter!

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter day!

It's Spring Somewhere!

I am trying to post once a day to get into the habit, so that it is easy for me to blog in China. Right now it is snowing as it has been off and on for the last couple of days since I arrived back home from a little trip down south. That coupled with the fact that I am sad about spending Easter without Emma, leads to the need for more chocolate donuts and living spring vicariously through my photos. Without further ado, I will leave you with "Spring".

Daisy the Lamb

Last Thursday, I was very down and depressed about the wait. I had been wanting to go to Build a Bear workshop and make a stuffed animal for Emma Mei. I originally wanted to make one of the bunnies, but the one we wanted was no longer being made. So, Katelyn and I decided on the lamb. The lamb is a limited edition, so when she is gone, she is gone. I had asked the lady a week or so before and she said they were getting low.

First chance that we had to go was that Thursday, so we went to the mall and ate some dinner at the food court, then walked down to Build a Bear. Would you know that we got the very last lamb! We put a little sound that plays Brahms lullaby in her arm. She is so sweet. We all decided on the name Daisy after vetoing a few of Katelyn's choices! The certificate says, "This lamb belongs to: Emma Mei Shan Fisher. Stuffed with love by Jie Jie." Jie Jie is older sister in Mandarin. The fact that we got the last lamb and were able to do something special was a balm to my soul. Sometimes, a little retail therapy can help!