Race and Change: One Kid at a Time

Last week I saw a movie called, "The Secret Life of Bees".  It was really powerful to me and drove home some thoughts I had been thinking since Barack Obama was elected president.  I don't personally agree with him on all issues, but I do think it is a wonderful thing that we as a country elected him to be the first African-American man to be our 44th president.  No matter what your political views, this is a very significant point in our country's history.  This post is about my journey of how I view race and racism, and how I am trying to incorporate that into our everyday life.  It is not about political issues or views.  I just feel that this is something I need to share as it has weighed heavily on my heart and mind.

My personal journey to becoming an anti-racist parent began not long after we decided to adopt internationally.  I haven't always thought through these issues, and honestly, it only came to the surface when it became personal through the fact that our Chinese-American daughter would one day face racism.  I have come to realize what a privilege I have that I was born into: being white.  I never realized how much this privilege affected my life or how much of it I took it for granted.  I first felt the rumblings of this inside myself at a family gathering where some statements were made that I felt were racist.  I found myself angry and unable to keep quiet.  Something within me was changing.  I wish that it were always the case that I stood up against what I felt was racism, but the fact is I agreed with the statements being made at one point in my life.    I wouldn't date anyone of another race in college even, because I didn't think you should marry someone of a different race.  Obviously, I do not agree with that now.  

If you think that Asians are not on the receiving end of racism, think again.  I read many adoptive parenting blogs and blogs of other Asians, some who were adopted themselves, and they can all testify to having faced some sort of racism at points in their lives.  I can choose to ignore this and say my daughter will never be faced with any of this, that I love her enough to overcome this, and she will be fine.  OR, I can be pro-active and try to do my best to help equip her with ways to face racism and how to respond to it.  I wish that I could protect her at all times from the world, but I can't.  I, as a white person, will probably never experience racism, but my daughter unfortunately will.  

The second thing that really changed how I view racism was visiting the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center in Cincinnati, Ohio.   If you are ever even near there, you should take the time to visit.  Take at least a day to fully take it all in.  At the very least, their website has some wonderful information.  It is truly a life-changing experience.  It is not really easy to take it all in with small children.  It is definitely more geared to older pre-teen children and adults with some stuff for the 8-10 year old set.  Josh and I were able to go sans kids on our anniversary trip 2 years ago.  I will never look at slavery in America or our world the same again.  It truly gives you the whole picture, not just the underground railroad that is one of its main attractions.

Our nation, of white-privileged people allowed slavery to happen in this country.  Our country was built primarily with the institute of slavery. We are still reaping the results of the great injustices we sowed. Injustice and evil is far-reaching, through generations even.  The lives that were taken, the lives that lived in bondage, the families that were separated are all because of the injustice that our nation partook in.  Slavery was and is the embodiment of evil.  It is messy.  There are no clear lines in how to reverse it and make it right.  How can you ever truly right the wrongs?  There is no way to ever fully make it right.  We could spend generations of lifetimes trying to right these wrongs and never fully succeed.  There were people who tried to fight against it.  There are those who risked their lives to end slavery.   This brings me back to the movie I saw.  It dealt with some of the civil rights issues in the 1960's.  Although it was not a true story, it reminded me that injustices were happening not that long ago, and they still do. Women were still being beaten just for walking down the street.  Men were taken out and beaten just for going to a theatre with a white girl.  How do we think that it can all just go away and there not be some sort of repercussion for it.   I believe some of the issues with government and welfare are part of the problem that was created when slavery was allowed in our country.  We are still dealing with those issues today, and rightly so in my mind.

So what can we do today?  Well for starters, we can start thinking about our own hearts and minds, about how we view people who may be different than us.  I would say this not only includes race, but anyone who may look, act, walk, or talk differently than we do.  That may include mentally challenged people or people with physical handicaps.  We are all prejudiced in some way.  We have all thought racists thoughts at some time or another or averted our eyes from someone because looking at them makes us uncomfortable. We can teach our children how to respond to racism by example and teaching.  We can show them how to be accepting of other people who may be different from them.  Children learn early.  I have heard of kids not liking a cartoon character because they look different.  I have had a child ask me where Emma's real mom is--obviously because she could tell that Emma looked different from me.  (I wasn't offended, by the way, and it was a great teaching moment about adoption.)  I have had people say things about our adoption that could be considered racist.  I don't always respond the way I want to.  The opportunities are out there, but we have to choose to seize those moments and use them.  We can start open conversations with others.  Race is a loaded topic that is not easy to navigate.  It is easy for a conversation to get personal or out of hand.  We need to just do our best at keeping things peaceful (not arguing) while taking a stand.  We need to educate ourselves as much as possible.  We need to be open-minded.   Even people of other races differ amongst themselves on how they react to race and racism.  I read the blog called the Anti-racist Parent.  It really makes me think.  It helps me get a feel for how other parents are teaching their children about racism. 

My hope and prayer is that I can teach my girls to be open-minded and able to combat racism in their own ways.  I think it may be working even just in the past couple years as I have been striving to teach Katelyn.  She shared with us that they voted at school  before the elections.  Now to preface this, she has probably heard Josh and I talk about the presidential race a little bit, but we hadn't really discussed either candidate much in front of the girls.  Her ideas are just that--from her own head.  We asked her who she voted for, and she told us that she voted for Barack Obama.  We asked her why she chose to vote for him.  She said that she felt like some kids just voted for McCain because he is the same as them, and that they didn't want to vote for Obama because he looked different from them.  She wanted to vote for Obama because he was African-American.  When I asked her who won at school, she said that Obama won because all the Hispanic kids voted for him.  Then she smiled.  I have to say that she made me proud, and my heart is happy.  I feel like she gets it, and she stood against the mainstream to do what she thought was right in regards to race.  Wow.   I love this kid.   Obviously we will teach her as she grows to be an adult to vote based on actual political issues and not someone's race, but for now, I think she showed a lot of insight for an eight-year old girl.

I think we should let this election be a stepping-stone.  Just because our country voted to elect an African-American man as president doesn't mean that racism doesn't exist anymore.  It is alive more than ever.  If you don't think so, read this article.  It is just a sampling of what happens in our country, so I don't think it is a majority by any means.  But still, it is happening.  There is work yet to be done.  Today, we can each do our part by taking a step towards ending it in our own hearts and homes.  

Thank you for listening/reading if you got this far.  I hope that at the very least it will help me be accountable and help others to think.